When I checked into Montrose Behavioral Health in February 2026, I sought a safe space where I could get help during an acute mental health crisis. I needed intensive, focused, professional attention that would start me on a path to better mental health and recovery. What I actually experienced while
Last day at Montrose
Again, Michael is bellowing, “BREAKFAST IRENE, BREAKFAST! BREEAAAKKKFAAAAAAAST!” My body feels like cement, weighed down by the nightly pill cocktail, and it takes me a while to finally get out of bed. We get to watch the news this morning and I cannot believe my luck! There’s a story
It took a while for the trazodone, benadryl, seroquel, and hydroxyzine to kick in but I fell asleep around 2am, after pacing the halls and tracking the clock at the Nurses station. Michael is yelling at me again to come to breakfast, and I sit with Kayla to enjoy our
Before I get out of bed, I hear an announcement coming from the hallway. It’s Micheal singing, “Breakfast! Breakfast! Irene, it’s time for BREEAAAAKKKFAAAAASSSTTT” in a booming, operatic voice. DJ left last night, so I take a seat next to Peaches, who tells me he’s being released
Shocked that I actually slept last night, I walk into the dayroom and DJ and Melissa are already in a sour mood. They point out two new nurses who have made the morning absolute hell so far: one is built like a linebacker and wearing an orange jersey, and another
There’s bits of dried egg, SunChip crumbs, and sticky juice spots covering the dayroom floor when I walk in late for breakfast on Sunday morning. Peaches and Cathy are parked in two chairs directly in front of the TV, the same spots they’ve occupied for the past three
In the middle of the night, I get a new roommate - Tori. Before she settles into bed, she asks the BHA for a fruit cup and some water. I have a feeling she has been here before. Tori is a great roommate - no snoring, no moving around, no farting. I
I shuffle into the dayroom for breakfast, which appears to be eggs (although the texture is very different); two wet, swollen gray fingers (sausages); a yellow triangle of hash brown; and a yogurt. I avoid the fingers and a fellow inmate, Stella, asks if she can have them. She’s
On Feb 5 2026 I was hospitalized for mental health reasons; which is to say, I checked into a psych ward due to suicidal ideation. It was the absolute nadir of my existence. My hospitalization was preceded by two years of unemployment; a desperate attempt to start a matchmaking business;
You are an animal. You can smell fear. When you are backed into a corner, you cower or you fight back. Your pupils involuntarily dilate when you see something you like, and your eyes squint when you don’t believe what someone tells you. You navigate the world through sight,
First night in the psych ward!!